173. A breath of fresh air

And I'm not even being metaphorical. No. For once in my smart-arsey word-driven life I am being LITERAL.

Drove to the beach on Friday evening (or rather, Herself drove) after a tiring week and an unusually busy and tiring fortnight. Stepped out onto the deck just as the sun was dipping towards the horizon, and took a deep breath. Pure deliciousness. Quite literally, a breath of fresh air.

That one lungful was just the beginning. By the time we got back to London at 7.30 on Sunday evening I was feeling all fresh and bouncy again. Not like a permanently enraged, germ-ridden commuter. Not like an ancient old crone with a reasonably demanding new job. Not like a slightly neglectful, distracted girlfriend/friend/daughter/sister.

Fresh, I tell you. With added bouncy.

So the old adage is true, it turns out. There is nothing like a breath of fresh air.

(Thanks also to: Herself, the Hound, 10 hours sleep on two consecutive nights, homemade cheeseburgers, a bacon and egg bagel, a slow walk on the seashore, Blue Valentine, sunshine and a brisk nor'easterly, Angry Birds Rio – and last, but not least, an afternoon screening of The American President.)

172. Pavlovian Reactions... or not.

So, Pavlov's dogs started drooling at suppertime, whether there was food or not. Right?

I apply hand lotion and immediately have to pee.

Is that the same thing?


I listen to the 23-year-olds at work talking 'Yeah, it's like forty quid but it's gonna be, like, awesome, and it's just like an awesome day with like loads of cool bands and it ends at ten so we could like go to the pub afterwards or something' and I immediately feel both bored and tired. Which I'm sure is the same thing.

But because I am not a dog, it occurs to me that I am both Pavlov, and his dogs. So at least I am not alone in my psychological suggestibility.

171. Frazzles

Frazzles are fake rashers of bacon, in the form of crisps. They are extremely salty, taste nothing like bacon, and are incredibly delicious. They are very good if you have a hangover...

Hangovers essentially require the liberal and regular application of carbs and sugar - which is challenging to somebody on a diet. But I have just discovered that a carton of Ribena and a packet of Frazzles pack a considerable punch above their calorific weight. It must be so nice to have a fast metabolism.

I don't know if there's anybody still out there. If you're still hanging on, thank you, and I promise to try harder. Don't give up!