128. An All Natural Winter

Regular readers will know that in addition to being a (sort of) writer and dog parent, I am also a keen doer of highly scientific experiments. And this winter of 2010/2011 will see a dramatic addition to my scientific studies.

You see, I'm having an All Natural Winter. I am not allowed to buy anything other than wool, cotton or leather, to keep me warm this winter. I am allowed to wear items already in my wardrobe (to do otherwise would be wasteful) but there must be no man-made additions.

Why?

Good question.

The first reason is to do with static, smell and self-esteem.

The second reason is to do with Bruce Parry.

Man-made fabrics make my hair stand on end and can create so much static that it's painful taking them off. Man-made fabrics seem to become very smelly very quickly. Man-made fabrics are either too clingy or too stiff and for some reason they are always incredibly SHORT.

Bruce Parry went to live with some Eskimos. He took Gore-Tex this and that, goose-down filled whatevers, and ended up freezing his butt off, so they lent him some reindeer skin outerwear and he was just as snuggy as could be, and he could move freely.

Hence, my all natural winter. I have become obsessed with tweed and thick fisherman-type jumpers. I probably look even stranger than normal. BUT - so far, I have been warm as toast.

However, I can't decide if I want this winter to be as cold as last winter, so that I can really test my theory, or not. Probably not, although a few days of snow is always fun.

I will update you with the results of the experiment. Wish me luck.

127. 'Wonder Boys' by Michael Chabon

Very unusually, I like the film and the book, even though I read the book first. The film is really just a condensed version of the book (which you would think most films of books should be, but are not) so the film is all plot and the book is all tangential passages and what people are thinking. Perfect.

I like reading about writers. (Is that like dancing about architecture?) And the great thing about the protagonist of Wonder Boys is that he's two steps away from abject failure, so there is a certain amount of schadenfreude going on. But Wonder Boys the book is worth reading if you're interested in writing or writers - it's essentially a treatise on the kind of mental illness suffered (arguably) by most people who attempt to put pen to paper for a living. And from my experience, Michael Chabon's got it just about right.

If you can't be bothered to read the book - watch the film. It's quite engaging.

126. The End

I finished the first draft of my first novel last week. I wrote 'The End' at the end because it seemed important to my tiny mind that I mark the occasion in some way, then I hummed and haaaaed about a full stop for a good ten minutes. Displacement activity, I suppose.

Anyway, whatever happens next I never have to write my first novel again. Which is a huge relief, because I think writing a novel is one of those things you can't be sure you can do until you've done it. If you see what I mean. I am a little bit impressed with myself, I have to say, as I am not always good at finishing things. But I finished my MA, and now I've finished my book, so maybe I am finally becoming a grown-up?

I have lots of work still to do before I can see if anybody in the wider world might like to read it, but for now I am enjoying the sensation of having created something whole.

The End.

125. Steak and Chips

Sometimes, just for fun you understand, I try to decide what I would have for my last meal. The Alabama Institute of Corrections used to have a website on which they posted all the 'last meal' requests of the poor mentally challenged black men they murdered with their gruesome capital punishment habit - and it made for rather fascinating reading. Most of them wanted a cheeseburger, which is understandable, as cheeseburgers are both delicious and comforting. Some just wanted a pint of ice-cream.

Anyway, I usually come back to steak and chips. I'd want my Mum's Chicken Liver Pate to start with, then an entrecote steak cooked medium rare, skinny chips, bearnaise, french mustard and maybe a small rocket salad (though it might be too late to worry about eating healthily). Then I'd want cheese. And all of it washed down with as much Pomerol as I could drink.

But what about roast chicken? Spaghetti Bolognese? Lobster Bisque? Fish and chips? Eggs Benedict?

It's a good thing that I'm unlikely ever to face the death penalty (although I shouldn't speak too soon) because I wouldn't be able to decide on my last meal. Do you think that my indecision would postpone the inevitable? Or would they just give me the consensus choice - a cheeseburger, a Coke and a pint of ice-cream? Actually, you know, that might not be so bad...

124. Birthday Season

With some notable exceptions, the birthdays of all my favourite people occur between the 14th of October and the 21st of November. It's a happy, festive, EXPENSIVE six weeks.

(The notable exceptions are: the 10th of May, the 20th of May, the 22nd of June, the 14th of July, the 21st of July, the 23rd of September and the 12th of December)

Birthday Season is a little different this year as we wait for the birth of BabyBF, but the best news is that he or she will be a Scorpio, born within the Birthday Season, and therefore adding a whole new lovely day of celebration.

There are those who believe that celebrating birthdays is deeply childish. There are those who simply don't acknowledge their birthdays. Some don't like them, and find them difficult. I strongly disagree with the first, respect and rather admire the second, and sympathize with the last. I used to love my birthday, and now it makes me cry. I think it's because I"m so OLD and have, as yet, achieved SO LITTLE. But that may all be about to change...

Anyway, Birthday Season is a cheerful time in a part of the year that can seem dreary and dull. It gives me a chance to give people squeezes, presents and glasses of champagne - and really, what could be nicer?

123. Power Ballad Fridays

Working in Children's Publishing used to involve the weekly stuffing of 500+ envelopes, as we sent proof copies of new books, and letters, and various sales materials out to the booksellers. It's BORING. So every Friday afternoon, when most people had found some excuse or other to go home early, my colleagues and I would organize ourselves into a mini-production line, and put on the Power Ballads. This was my idea.

The great thing about Power Ballads is that most women and gay men know the words, particularly to the classics, like Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart, and Alone by Heart, which means that the lip-synching is of a very high standard. And as Children's Publishing is staffed almost exclusively by women and gay men, we were onto a winner.

So we'd put the old CD into the machine, crank it up as high as we dared, and spend a couple of hours making fools of ourselves, laughing hysterically, and stuffing envelopes. Made the time fly by, and then it would be time to go to the pub. Perfect.

So today, in the solitude of my eyrie, I resurrected Power Ballad Fridays. It was killer, and it got me past a little creative block I was experiencing. As a pastime, I highly recommend it.

122. Angry Birds

No, not angry birds, as in the famous Hitchcock movie, Angry Birds, which is a game I play on my iPhone.

The basic principle is that there are these frogs and they have built houses round themselves made of steel, wood and glass. You are given a selection of birds (angry) with which to smash up the houses and kill the frogs. The more damage you can inflict, the more points you get - and if you can kill all the birds and smash the whole house with just one bird you get three gold stars. Simple. Brilliant.

It is, it should go without saying, monstrously addictive. I'm on Level 11, Game 9. I hope there are lots of levels because I never want to stop. Angry Birds is fairly mindless, but getting those three stars does involve both skill and strategy so it's always possible to take things to a higher level.

I haven't been converted to what I will refer to, archaically, as 'computer games' because I can't be bothered with all the hardware. But the great thing about games on the iPhone is that it's all there, in your pocket. Angry Birds is the best game I've found so far (although Harbour Master can be quite diverting) and it's probably just as well. I wouldn't want to let modern technology get in the way of my telly watching, now, would I?