194. An English Eccentric

Coming to the end of our daily walk in Suffolk, a tall, blonde figure leaps from a tiny white car and asks if we have seen any black labradors on our walk.

I reply that the only labrador we saw seemed to be accompanied by a young man.

'A tall young man? Blonde?'

Yes, we replied.

The figure sags slightly. 'Oh, that's Martin from the boatyard, and Codeine.'

On closer inspection, the figure is a woman in her mid-fifties. She's very lean and topped with a thatch of hair that is probably expensively cut and dyed. She's wearing a jumble sale T-shirt, a pair of multi-coloured shortish shorts and the inevitable beaten up docksiders in a range of colours.

Most curiously of all, she has several thousands of pounds worth of gold strung about her person. But she seems very nice and is concerned that two black labs have gone missing in the village.

'Found one of 'em yesterday but I'm worried that the other's gorn for gud.'

Then she notices the Hound. Face lights up.

'Oh! How beautiful! Can I give him a biscuit?'

Hound then refuses biscuit (probably too tired from walk and she doesn't like being mistaken for a boy, but rude nonetheless)

Figure sags slightly. Pats Hound. 'Never mind.'

We say that the Hound is eleven years old and a bit tired. Figure perks up again. 'Oh! You've kept her beautiful! How splendid! That one's eleven too.'

Points across to the white Fiat 500 which contains (just) a Newfoundland. We know instantly that the eleven year old is the dog and not the car, as the car is older than time. (Pic above is youthful and in excellent shape compared to this specimen.) Figure sets off to get back in the car. 'She'll slobber on my neck all the way home. Always does!' she adds, cheerfully. Then tears off amid roaring of hairdryer engine.

To say that this encounter made me happy is to VASTLY underestimate it.

Next morning at 8.30 I saw her again - wearing the same outfit, only this time with socks pulled up to mid-calf - saying hello to every dog she met in the street.

Who needs a crystal ball? Also, who calls their dog 'Codeine'?